But for as long as there has been paint applied to canvas, from that day until this, there have been artists who are dedicated to taking views and vistas that are available to all and making them their own. Which raises a big question: Aren’t you better off going to look at the mountain/moon/sunrise yourself?

No.

I mean sure, it might be nice and all, to travel down and check out a pretty sunset over the water or to take a look at some haystacks out in the country, and the fresh air wouldn’t hurt either, but really, looking at a landscape painting is more than seeing a copy of a nice view. A great landscape painting gives you access to someone else’s experiences. The editing process of painting, starting with the choosing of a vantage point, whether or not the piece is open aired or claustrophobic and closed off, and even the choice of the predominate colour all give you more information about how the artist’s worldview.

I have my own particular points of interests that I look for when I come across a landscape-type piece of art; I look for how time plays a roll in the picture. Is the painting a short moment, or does it feel like it is in moment that never began and will never end? I also look for some type of relationship between humanity and the wilderness; a closeness, an alienation, a compromise, a story. And, since I’m a painter and I am in love mucking about with paint, I also look at how the paint was applied. There is some meaning there, too.

The most rewarding works require you to risk your own beliefs and share, at least for a passing moment, someone else’s.

I have a homework assignment for you all this week, and I’ll have one for the next couple of articles as well. All I’m asking you all to make is a genre piece. You’ll never guess what genre. Yeah, yeah, so what I’d like you all to do is to get out there into the streets and make some type of landscape photo/sketch/painting and send in jpeg type copy here. It’ll be due Sunday, February 19, 2006. I’m not only going to be collecting these from you all, I’m going to be a participant as well.

So stop your chatter and get to work.

1. The IT Crowd - Hilarious show from Channel 4 out of the UK. From the creators of ‘Father Ted’, this show tracks the hilarity of a corporate IT department. Amazing. If you are in the UK you can see the episodes on the Channel 4 site, or you can download them like the rest of the world. Check your favourite bittorrent site for links.
2. Dick Cheney shot a guy.. wow
3. Belle and Sebastian – The Life Pursuit… so nice we linked it twice.
4. Grills By Paul Wall – Pearly whites make boring bites
5. Getting albums before they come out. C’mon… we know it’s wrong, but it feels so good to know the songs at the shows or before the masses. And we’re gonna buy the albums… honest. Psst: the new Flaming Lips album is really cool.
6. Monkeys. Yup, monkeys.
7. W00t! – You want deals? W00t gives you a deal a day. Some are good, some are bad… but deals they be! It can also spark intense debates on the merits and failures of refurbished items like hard drives.
8. muhammedcartoons.com – Seriously. Both sides should abide by this link.
9. Watching figure skating .. I mean, NOT watching figure skating. Damn you winter olympics.. show more luge or that crazy skiing / shooting thing.
10. Fake secret girlfriends that your friends make up to get you in trouble. Candi is her name and she is without shame.
11. VBR as praise, CBR as a putdown: “That painting is VBR.” Nerdly Hipsters will understand. (psst: look up VBR and CBR and you’ll get it) If this catches on, I’m owed a Vespa and box full of fitted shirts and Todd drinks for free!

Yes, we’re a pretty dynamic team.

this ‘zine stuff is hard work mostly because we want to make something that is enjoyable for you, our readers. I’d call you loyal, but there can’t be loyalty after only two weeks. It’s a four to six week engagement.

if you haven’t read the first issue, do it from the archives below. it’s pretty good. but this one is even better. oh and before i forget, the squid at the bottom brings you home.

hope you like it… and submit if you don’t.

WELL STOP! I am here to tell you that there is a whole world out there….. a whole world of OTHER chick flicks that you can curl up and get drunk with! So let’s go!

Strike! (US title: All I Wanna Do)
Sarah Kernochan (1998)

Although it is aimed at a pre-teen audience, the movie “Strike!” is
great for any woman feeling a little trampled. Its story opens on an
angsty teen banished to an all-female finishing school because her
parents are desperately trying to prevent her from “doing it”. There she
joins a group of preppy pranksters who eventually lead a revolt against
the school going co-ed. As goofy as this sounds, this movie is
delightfully light, surprisingly clever, and a nice balm for your
boy-bruises. It is also way more entertaining than “Mona Lisa Smile”,
which has a similar theme and setting but alas, forces you to look at
Julia Roberts’ increasingly bony face for two hours.

Parsley Days (VHS only)
Andrea Dorfman (2000)

I have to say, Andrea Dorfman is the master of Canadian chick flicks.
Her first foray into feature length is “Parsley Days,” a funny,
perfectly-paced and brutally honest film. Its story revolves around a
tightly-knit hipster community where a well-meaning and
womyn-power-loving boyfriend is about to get chucked by our
no-longer-in-love and horribly confused heroine. The long and drawn out
breakup is both hilarious and heart breaking, and exactly what you need
to watch as you muddle through your own relationship woes. Be ready for
tears, though – you will lose your shit at the end.

New Waterford Girl
Alan Moyle (1999)

Another East Coast gem is “New Waterford Girl”, starring the completely
bewitching newcomer, Liane Balaban. This girl knocks it out of the park
playing Moonie, an eccentric and embittered teen aching to run away from
her back-water town. She devises a plan of escape that involves the
town’s habit of sending girls “to an auntie in Antigonish” for well,
approximately nine months….. Duh! Everyone knows what that actually
means! Anyways, hilarity ensues as she pretends to be the town slut,
befriends a spitfire girl from New York City, and deals with the
reactions of her tightly-knit community upon hearing the “news”. A
sweet, funny, and completely endearing film, this will leave you both
weeping and laughing at the absurdity of the age-old “double standard”.

Elizabeth
Shekhar Kapur (1998)

Have you sworn off men forever? Dude, you must watch the
critically-acclaimed biopic, “Elizabeth”. Gorgeous cinematography
combines with a completely captivating performance by Cate Blanchett in the title
role, creating a film that always leaves me breathless. It tells the
tale of the first Queen Elizabeth; specifically, about her reluctant
struggle to gain power over a bitchy, all-male court. The catch? She
manages to do it without breaking down and agreeing to a political
marriage. I promise, you will be constantly on the edge of your seat for
the poor girl, holding your breath through her triumphant moments and
intense losses. Talk about rising to the occasion! After finishing this
film, you will want to go out and kick some serious ass.

….. and that, dear reader, is what you should be doing instead of hiding at
home, watching tv.

‘Nuff said.

Should a band name be catchy? Easy to remember? They sound like reasonable qualifiers. What’s the better band name: The Flaming Groovies or Some Still Loves You Boris Yelstin (abbreviated to SSLYBY)? I would argue The Flaming Groovies, but I’ve never heard SSLYBY’s music.

It’s very difficult for me dissociate a band’s name from the band’s music – if I like the music, I generally don’t give a second thought to the name. If I haven’t heard the band or haven’t formed an opinion I usually find myself evaluating cues to the band’s music… things like the band’s name. And if I don’t like the band… well, oddly enough I can’t come up with any band whose music I hate but who’s name I love. Blink 182? Awful name. Prefuse 73? Not so bad.

Is Dinosaur Jr. a good name? Sebadoh? Holy Fuck!? Blood on the Wall? Death Cab for Cutie? Velvet Underground? Coldplay?

Dinosaur Jr. is an okay name… but the band started off as just plain Dinosaur (the junior was added after another band named Dinosaur threatened legal action). Subjectively speaking, Dinosaur is a horrible name – unless it’s meant as a joke, in which case it’s sort of funny. Sebadoh looks good on paper and is pretty fun to say. Holy Fuck? It’s not for me, but the music is pretty good. Blood on the Wall? I dunno. Death Cab? Kind of cumbersome. Coldplay? Brings to mind a couple of images… coldcuts and disinterested foreplay.

It’s hard for me to come up with band names I really like, but there are a few. Sonic Youth and Velvet Underground are both great names… suggestive and evocative without hitting you over the head. And I think they both reflect the band’s music pretty accurately. The Flying Burrito Brothers and The Flaming Groovies are also really good. I have a fondness for silly band names.

…which brings me to my band’s name: Yim Tin Tam. It didn’t come to me in a dream. There were no shortage of band names for the choosing: Furnichair, “The Never Ending Story Part IV, the Band”, Falcor… Yim Tin Tam started off as Yon Shimazu, the name of a man from my home town. I always liked his name, but in the end decided it wasn’t suitable for a band name. Chucking that idea I used his first name, played around with it a bit and ended with Yim Tin Tam. It was simple (9 letters, three “words”), yet for some reason complicated; Yim Tim Tam would be so much easier to say, but I don’t like it nearly as much.

Ultimately I believe that a band name becomes irrelevant (or close to it) once you’ve heard the band’s music. Would people have had such a hard time with “The Artist Formerly Known as (Prince)” had the quality of Prince’s music not plummeted? I figure you can name yourself whatever the hell you want if you’ve got the chops to back it up.

Still, maybe changing it back to Prince wasn’t a bad idea.

But a good t-shirt is hard to find.  T-shirts have always had statements on them, from that sketchy beach in Florida to the local pep-club (throw it up Donnell, Mrs. L is still rockin’).  But there are good messages and bad messages.  “Vote for Pedro” was good for the ten minutes before it was horribly co-opted by the man.  Then there are the entire realms of frat-boy t’s that even embarrass the prostitutes that read them.

If you find the right message on a shirt, you are the hit of the party or computer lab.  Below are a few locations on the web where you can find shirts that are not only interesting and witty, but stylish as well…that is half of the goal, by the way!

Threadless

Ok, A) the site is awesome. 2) they have some amazing shirts here

They accept t-shirt designs from anyone. If you are good enough, you are in.  Take a few hours and go through their catalog, then spend the money you would have made working those few hours on some shirts.  It’s art on your chest.  Art.

Busted Tees

If the general public got jokes (Oh, it’s a joke… I get jokes!) then more people would wear these shirts around.  You like puns? Bam, these shirts are for you.  If you get it and happen to see someone else who has a shirt from Busted Tees, you’ve just found yourself a friend.

Think Geek

So you’re a nerd, eh? Well you can lord your nerdily knowledge over the remainder of the population with the shirts at Think Geek.  Again, if you get it, you really get it and some of these are the finest in geek/gamer/linux humour.  Just make sure you wash the shirt every once in a while.  The chicks/fellas dig cool shirts, but they gotta be nacho cheese free.

Social Propaganda

A wicked little shirt design company.  The selection is limited, but I’ve gotten word that more shirts are in the works.  The shirts they do have, however, are really well designed.  Plus, I know one of the guys, so put in a good word for me.  I really want that camel shirt.

La Fraise

This company has a few really cool shirts.  The one that caught my eye first is sold out (a really awesome RTFM design).  Alas, I hope they reprint it, but there are about three others on this site that if I could, I’d buy… damn you Euro! If anyone wants to get me a gift, this would be perfect. (I’m probably an XL).

Café Press

If you have ever thought “Oh man. That should be on a shirt!” a four hour search on Café Press will show you you weren’t alone.  Can’t find a good enough shirt, you can make your own for free and they take give you a cut when it’s sold.  Lots of crap here, but every once in a while someone is clever enough to make it worth your while.

So now you know where to go to get the finest threads in t-shirt form.  Now of course, I’ve setup some awkward situations. If we are ever at the same party or concert and we’re wearing the same shirt, we gotta plan a strategy.  I say we claim we planned it and hangout arm-in-arm all night, but that might be well… a bit too rainbow, if you know what I mean.

I’m ok with it if you are.

How secret can your involvement in such an organization REALLY be? I mean, you’ve got a crazy cryptic tattoo, you’re one of three people on earth who wears a fez (although popular with organ grinder monkeys, the fez hasn’t really caught on in mainstream fashion), and you frequently shout out “No, no! Not the Grail! I must protect the Holy Grail!” in your sleep.

What kind of policy would you have with your girlfriend or wife, for example? “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” NEVER works with the ladies (let me tell you) and if decades of sitcoms have taught us anything, sneaking around behind your woman’s back leads to comically tragic results. Just ask Zack Morris or Uncles Jesse and Joey.

Keeping something from your parents is no big deal (as we all know). I mean, my parents still think that my five-year-stretch at Millhaven Penitentiary was really a Peace Corps assignment. Either way, it was a complete frame-up and I’m sure that will be recognized in my third appeal. But I digress…

I’m not quite sure what kind of full-time work a member of ‘The Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword’ can hold down, what with all the meetings, tattooings, being secretive and all that. At the same time, unlike top secret organizations like The Illuminati, I can’t imagine that secretly protecting the cup of Christ can be a high-paying gig. I mean, does this job include health and dental benefits? Not bloody likely.

Surely all that financial strain with little tangible return (although it looks like you’d get to kill people from time-to-time, which could relieve some stress) would result in a drunken tirade at the local public house, or at the very least some complaining to close friends; neither of which lend themselves well to a secret organization.

Well, if this is the type of work that interests you… you’re in luck. Here are five hot tips to keep you successful in the fantabulous world of religious zealotry and intrigue.

1. Casual relationships. And lots of ‘em. Nothing complicates being secretive like nosey parents, roommates or lovers. If a group of casual friends begins getting too close, simply fake your own death and move to a new town. Note that this won’t keep you from having to follow-through with your third appeal.

2. Stylish suits. I mean, who doesn’t feel great in a stylish suit with an open-collared shirt. Perhaps the sweet threads will draw attention from your uncool fez… worn for top-secret religious reasons.

3. Grow a ‘70s moustache. Another good fez-distraction technique. Also, people will leave you alone. Moustachioed men are generally considered creepy (see ‘Tom Selleck’ and ‘Hercule Poirot’)

4. Distrust Germans. Well, this goes for just about any profession.

5. Learn to shoot well. I cannot stress this enough, and I’m always giving this advice to Imperial Storm Troopers. Hire a coach and go to a shooting range from time-to-time. Drawn out gun-battles make for great movie scenes, but they don’t really help your on-the-sly profile now do they?

Well, good luck defending the Grail. If you do your job well, we’ll never hear anything about it. If you do it poorly, well there’ll be a new job posting up on Workopolis. Maybe they’ll let me apply again if I’m cleared in the appeal.

These things slowly become what I loath most about design on the web. Where was the content? Where was the substance? The Internet was increasingly where I came to get information, find entertainment, get things done and all the style was getting in the way of the substance. Slowly these conventions have slowly disappeared but they’re still out there to varying degrees. A new focus on content, accessibility, standards, and collaboration has emerged in the last few years and one question is starting to creep into the back of my mind, “What’s happened to the style?”

Part of this might by my fault. It’s been ages since I checked the design portals for the random inspiration. The 60 odd blogs I follow are read in the sterile environment of my RSS feed reader. Podcasts are downloaded directly to my iTunes. News headlines are read from my Google Home Page. Rarely am I seeing the sites I’m actually “surfing” on a daily basis. But what happens on the few sites that i actually end up pointing the ol’ FireFox to? [You ARE all using FireFox aren't you??] Most of them are quite nicely designed and do exactly what they need to do BUT by and large it’s some variation of the basic WordPress or Movable Type layouts or one of the default Blogger templates. Now don’t get me wrong, this is a vast improvement of the bad-old-days of GeoCities but it is all a little homogeneous. [Lets not dreg up the 10th circle of design hell that is MySpace. It is what it is and I only have a profile there because I was bored and wanted to hear the early release of the last Nine Inch Nails album ... honest!]

Mostly what I’m saying is that it’s been a long time since I’ve had that “Holy Monkeys!” moment with a web site. But I think the future looks bright. Innovations like AJAX, Ruby on Rails, growing browser support for web standards and other, (increasingly annoying) Web 2.0 buzzwords, and people who know what to do with them have the potential to bring back the style without obscuring the substance. I’m actually more excited with the world of the web now than I was when it first snared me. So lets have it Internets! WOW me!