As a professional graphic designer, he has a lot to say about the power of images.  Every now and then he’ll talk about what draws the eye, the message an artist sends with each colour chosen, the impact of good and bad contrasts, etc.  So as I began designing the promotional material for the musical my wife and I wrote, it would make sense for me to have approached him to design our logo, posters, and programs.  Of course, lots of things make sense, but that doesn’t mean we do them.

I have come to learn that when one hires an artist to do some design work, it’s a very intensive process.  First, there’s the selection of the artist, then there is the explaining of what you want, and then while it is being created, the artist accepts little to no input.  I understand that it’s a pain in the neck to constantly have someone looking over your shoulder, but I just couldn’t trust someone (no matter how close they are to me) to design something so important.  More than that, I was quite sure I could do it myself.  Why?  Years of amateur web design have given me the practice, massive upgrades in the functionality of free and cheap software have given me the tools, and mooching info off of professional friends and colleagues have filled in the blanks, so I can design what I want.

Sure, some of my initial ideas really sucked, and whatever final product I got from a professional would likely be better than anything I could have done, but this was far more enjoyable.  When you design your own work, it’s not done until you are happy with it.  When someone else designs something for you, when it’s done, you have to make yourself happy with it.

Anyone exposed to Internet 1.0 will remember the garbage that passed for art on early personal homepages.  I had a few beautiful animated gif’s, including a rotating gold cross, and a moose running on the spot.  Anything quirky and fun worked, and design didn’t matter.  Now, the balance between design, content, and technology is a much trickier dance.

‘Do-It-Yourself’ design will not be the way of the future.  As long as there are good artists doing good work, people will pay for it.  But for folk like me, who invest everything emotionally into their projects, and refuse to accept criticism from others, ‘Do-It-Yourself’ design will be more and more feasible as technology advances.

“Yeah,” Calvin responded casually, “I figured that might get back to you.”

“Isn’t there some kind of code preventing you from ratting me out.  We’re friends Calvin.  It’s pretty weak of you to badmouth me just to try to score with some girl.”

“I wasn’t trying to score with her John.”

“Don’t worry.  I wouldn’t blame you if you were, but trust me, that girl would not be worth the effort required.”

Calvin thought for a while before he responded.  “I used to believe in codes, and in unwritten understandings.  Then I got tired of covering for you.  You’re not just breaking hearts here John, at least when it comes to girls like Kerry, you’re also messing with their worldview.”

“You know as well as I do Calvin that her ‘worldview’ is garbage.”

“So now your job is to shake the faith of those you decide to be weak-minded?  That’s not what it says on the CD cover I was reading yesterday.”

“Screw the CD cover!”  This wasn’t the first time that Calvin had called John to task on his excessive lifestyle, but it was the first time that he contrasted it with the message his CDs and posters conveyed.  “I’m an artist Calvin!  My art, the music, the promotional stuff, that all has a purpose.  I’m not bound to live my life that way.  You know, my manager encourages me to do my own thing, as long as none of it becomes high profile.”

“Who’s your manager these days?”

“His name’s Joe L. Boisvert.  You might not remember him, but he went to college with us.  He didn’t like you all that much.  Anyway, he not only encourages it, he wants me to email him about it.  It creeps me out thinking about him sitting at his computer waiting to read about my sex life.”

After a short pause, Calvin switched the discussion back to Kerry.  “You know, to be honest, Kerry’s asking questions that would have come up pretty soon anyway, but you’ve still gotta be more sensitive about these things.”

“Since we’re being honest with each other Calvin,” John started.  The tension of the conversation had eased a bit,  “you may as well hear this from me.  Girls don’t want sensitivity; it’s a sign of weakness.  At least that’s been my experience.”

“It’s all I’ve got,” laughed Calvin.  “I don’t have your rock star good looks.”

The serious issues quickly passed as their conversation shifted back on to other issues.  The coffee shop had that affect on these old friends.

The next night, the same John Kraybill sat in an apartment at the other end of the city.  That night too he preferred to avoid any kind of serious issues.  He had something much more recreational in mind.  The girl who his arm was around was well aware of what he was thinking.  Over the past few weeks, she had been quite the willing participant in that particular activity.  She surprised even herself by resisting when he leaned in to kiss her.

“I don’t think we should,” she said pushing him back, “not tonight.”

This kind of hesitation was new to John, at least in this stage of relationships.  “What’s got into you?”  he asked.

“I just don’t think that we should be doing this.”

“Zoie,” he began, saying her name as though her were trying to bring back the girl he had been with the past few nights, “how about you let me worry about my own conscience?”

“That’s just it,” she exclaimed, “I think you stopped worrying about your own conscience a long time ago.  Girls like Kerry really look up to you, and when you act like this …”

“Have you told her about this?” he asked, interrupting her scolding.  His image could only be maintained if these secret sexual relationships were kept secret.  Girls like Kerry, though less physically involved, were too ashamed to tell anyone of any importance.

“Don’t worry, your dirty little secret is still safe,” she said, mocking his self-interest.  John was relieved, but was slightly troubled to realize something else.  Most of the girls he had this kind of short-lived fling with saw it as their dirty little secret too.  “But I have been talking to her,” Zoie continued, “and when you act like you do, it really messes a girl like her up.  Doesn’t that bother you?”

“It hasn’t seemed to bother you until now,” he said defensively.

“I’ll admit, this hasn’t been my finest moral moment either, but I’m not sure I want to be with someone who says one thing on the stage, and is a different animal in the bedroom.”

“So what do you want from me?” John asked.

“I want you to be honest about who are.”

“I’m a performing artist Zoie.  If I only sang about what I believed, I’d lose my whole fan base.  My honesty would cost me my job.”  It was an issue thought about before, but only because he was starting to really care for Zoie, and the fact that his arousal had worn off, that he could articulate it calmly.  “I’m creating a spiritual experience for these people.  Doesn’t that count for something?”

“But it’s fake,” she protested, “doesn’t that bother you?”

“It’s not entirely fake,” he said, “I do believe some of it.”

“Still, I think you should call off your next few shows, at least until we’ve worked some of this stuff out.”

“So what brought you to cancel your shows?” asked a bewildered Calvin as the two friends sat at their regular table at the coffee shop.

“Zoie’s got me thinking about being more honest with myself,” explained John, “but really, it’s stuff I’ve been thinking about for a while.  We’re going to sit down and work out some of this faith stuff together.”

“Zoie!” said Calvin.  A few weeks ago, this revelation would have been a lot more painful than it was now.  “Were you sleeping with her?”

John nodded his head.  “Bad idea, eh?”

“I don’t know, John.  It’s a bad idea that crossed my mind a few times.”  They laughed.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to join us for this conversation process, but if you’re going to be distracted …”

“Don’t worry,” Calvin laughed.  “I’ll be fine, besides, things are moving along well with Kerry now.”  He hadn’t ever been in a position to tell John about his own relationships before, but strangely he didn’t feel like bragging.  “You know, this might be just the thing Kerry needs too.  Maybe the four of us could chat about this some time.”

That Sunday, the church bulletin announced that the John Kraybill concert had been cancelled.

“I wonder why it was cancelled,” asked a middle aged woman to her friend in the pew beside her.

“I hear he lost his faith,” came the reply.

“Isn’t that a shame.”

“Calvin?  Hi.  It’s Kerry.”  Her voice seemed hopeful and apologetic at the same time.

“Hi Kerry.  Good to hear from you again.”  He had tried calling her number once too, but he didn’t expect her to call him back.  He got the vibe that he wasn’t ‘saved’ enough to be worth her time.  Calvin knew that John was still in town, and the girls had given him their numbers as well.  There was no way that they would have waited this long to call John back.  Calvin couldn’t help but be suspicious of why she was calling, but he did mean what he said, it was good to hear back from her.

“Good to hear from you again too,” she said.  In a somewhat hesitant tone, she added, “we got your messages.  Sorry for not calling you back earlier.”  Calvin had gotten the brush-off before but something seemed different this time.  Was there a quiver in her voice?  Was there something else she wanted to say?  It felt like another one of those times where there was something he was supposed to have picked up.  Rather than guess what it was, he figured it was safer to remain clueless.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said.  “Hey, I remember hearing John say that he was going to be in town for a few weeks.  Have you been able to meet up with him?”

“Yeah,” she began slowly, “yeah, we got together a few times.”  She paused.  Compared to her excitement at the concert and the coffee shop afterwards, Kerry’s ambivalence about John didn’t seem to fit.  She realized that she had just admitted to responding to John’s calls, and ignoring Calvin’s.  “They were kinda spur-of-the-moment things,” she added, hoping to comfort Calvin’s ego.  “We thought about calling you.”

Calvin didn’t need to be comforted.  He didn’t blame her for choosing to spend time with an attractive professional musician over him-any woman would-but why did she seem so apologetic?  Suddenly he understood what was going on, why she was upset and why she had called him of all people.

“Kerry did you want to talk in person?”  Usually he avoided saying things like this for fear that it would be viewed as a romantic advance.  In fact, she figured it probably was, but there were some things that she really wanted to talk to him about.

“It’s late,” she began.  “I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you.”

“Not at all.  In fact, I was about to head out for my evening walk anyway.  Can you meet me at the entrance to Laurier park in ten minutes?”

“Yeah, I can do that.”  It wasn’t an area she would walk through alone, but with someone else she’d feel safer.  “I’ll see you in a bit Calvin.”

“Yup, bye.”  He hung up the phone feeling an unfamiliar rush.  It would be insensitive to consider this a date, but he still thought it’d be best to brush his teeth again.

Leaning on the gate at the entrance to the park, Calvin couldn’t help but notice that Kerry looked significantly less glamourous than he remembered.  Her loose fitting jeans and hoodie outfit complimented her much less than what she was wearing the first time Calvin saw her.  She also seemed to be a lot less comfortable in the park, than she had at the church.

“Hi Calvin,” she said as she met him at the gate.  “Thanks for meeting me like this.  I really need someone to talk to.”

“No problem,” he shrugged as they turned to walk into the park.  Looking at her up close, Calvin could also tell that she had been crying on her way over.

“I haven’t been in this area for a while,” Kerry said, looking around.  “This park looks kind of shady.  Are you sure this place is safe?”

“Don’t be fooled by appearance Kerry,” Calvin answered confidently.  “I go for walks here all the time.”

“If you say so,” Kerry responded carefully.  Still she decided that she would walk a little closer to him, making Calvin wonder if that strategy would work with other girls as well.

They had walked a little while before he finally asked, “so what’s on your mind Kerry?  I’m guessing it has something to do with John.”

“Yeah,” she started.  “You’re going to think I’m a pathetic little girl with the way I’m over-reacting to this.  You used to be friends with John.  I was hoping maybe you could help me understand what’s going on with that guy.”

Calvin wanted to be cautious, but this situation was frustratingly similar to other conversations he’d had.  “Well, I think I have a pretty good idea of what happened, but it’s probably best if I just stick to my general observances of John.”

Surprised by his confidence, Kerry responded, “I’m curious as to what you think happened.”

“I don’t think I want say it,” said Calvin, even more cautious than before, “and I’m quite sure you don’t want to hear me say it.”

“No really,” she insisted.  “I want you to tell me.”  She was quite sure that he wouldn’t know, and was curious where he was getting this confidence from.

“Okay,” he began.  “Well, it’s just a guess, but I’m thinking you went out together, and he got you naked on your first date.”

“Wow,” she exclaimed, surprised by his frankness and accuracy.  “That’s pretty much it.”

“And now you’re having a crisis of faith wondering why he, as an upstanding Christian guy would do that, and why you, as a decent Christian girl, would let him.”

Kerry took a moment to let his assessment soak in.  “I guess you know me better than I thought.”

“I’ve never pretended to understand how Christian girls work,” said Calvin, “but when you know John as well as I do, this kind of thing is frighteningly routine.”

“How did you know?” asked Zoie.  She may not have been his biggest fan, but his alluring voice and his rock star good looks were enough to even make a girl like her quiver at the chance of meeting him.
“I was the roommate” said Calvin as he got up to greet his old friend.  Meanwhile the girls tried discreetly to check if their hair and makeup looked right.
With the handshakes and pleasantries out of the way, John asked Calvin, “Who are the chicks?”
“Still the same old John.” laughed Calvin.  “They sat beside me at the concert.  I figured they’d like the chance to meet you.”
“I hope they want more than just an autograph.”
“Actually,” explained Calvin, “that’s how I convinced them to join me here.  One of them was filling in a ballot for one of your autographed posters, and I told them I’d get them one better.”
“‘Attaboy,” said John, giving Calvin a jovial shot in the arm.  “I’ll do my best.”
“Just try to share the spotlight a bit tonight John,”said Calvin, almost under his breath.  “Come on, I’ll introduce you.”
When they arrived at the table with John’s coffee and donut, Calvin gave the formal introduction.  “John, this is Zoie and Kerry.”
“Wow,” said Kerry as they shook hands.  She was trying not to sound too overwhelmed by his presence, and trying to show a little of her own cleverness.  “You two were roommates and your names are John and Calvin?  You had the John Calvin room.  It’s like it was meant to be.”
Not sure if Kerry herself understood the irony of what she just said, Calvin prepared his response to the joke that had been pointed out more than once by their Bible college friends.  “We prefer to the term ‘predestined.’”
Calvin couldn’t help but chuckle at his own joke.  It was after all the last bright spot he would be allowed in the conversation.

Calvin wondered if that homeless man, maybe he should have asked him his name, would feel comforted at this benefit concert.  The poor guy could have at least made a meal out of the hor d’oeuvres that were being served in the church lobby.  A quick glance at the program reminded him that it was in fact a vestibule.  As much as he felt out of place, Calvin shook his head thinking about the irony of that bum not finding refuge at a benefit concert for a homeless shelter.

Looking at his ticket stub, a pang of conscience reminded him that his two dollars of charity didn’t make up for the twenty dollars he could have paid for his free ticket.  Fortunately for him, the program had a donation envelope for a free will offering to be taken at the end of the concert.  Calvin had just finished writing out his cheque for eighteen dollars when he was interrupted by a bright eyed brunette wearing blue jeans and a John Kraybill t-shirt.

“Are these seats taken?” she asked.

He had tried not to think of it as a rock concert, but his friend was now a celebrity, and he was just going to have to get used to the reality of it.

“They’re all yours,” smiled Calvin.  As much as he hated seeing John’s face on a t-shirt, at least she wore it well.

“Thanks,” beamed the brunette as she and a friend took off their jackets and lowered the cushion on the theater style seats..  “My name’s Kerry and this is my friend Zoie.”

“Nice to meet you,” he said, shaking both their hands, “I’m Calvin.”  He was ready to set aside his cynicism for the rest of the evening.  John didn’t know it, but for the first time, he had helped Calvin meet a girl, let alone two cute girls.

“I can’t believe I’m here,” grinned Kerry as she looked around at the colourfully decorated walls of the sanctuary.  “And check out this church.  Isn’t it amazing?”

“Yeah,” nodded Calvin, hoping to hide his disdain for the glitz and glamour of this kind of mega-church, “it’s something else.”  Wanting to shift the conversation in other directions, he asked “so are you guys big fans of John?”

“Well, yeah.  I am.  Zoie notsomuch. I picked up his CD last year and I can’t get over his voice.  It’s like Burton Cummings meets Bill Gaither.”

Not sure which of the three men being connected would have been more offended by that comparison, Calvin turned his attention to Zoie.  “So I”m guessing this isn’t really your scene then?”

“No, sorry,” she started.  “I’m not really into the whole church thing.  I volunteer at the shelter, so I’m just here to support their work.”

“She’s the one that told me about the concert.  As soon as I heard, I insisted we buy tickets, and now here we are.”

“So where do you two know each other from then?” asked Calvin, sensing that these two beauties didn’t quite have everything in common.

“We work together at a bank downtown.”

They were cut off by the speaker who introduced himself as Pastor of Celebratory Worship.  He started by welcoming everyone to his church and went on to introduce John and his music.

After the concert, Kerry was filling out her ballot for an autographed poster, when Calvin got up the nerve to do something he wouldn’t normally do.  “You know, if you two are up for joining me for a coffee, I could help you out with that.”

“I think she’ll be able to fill out the form on her own.”

“What?!  You could get me an autographed poster of John Kraybill!”

“I can do you one better than that.”  Calvin spoke with a confidence he rarely experienced in the presence of attractive women, but he almost never had a card of this magnitude up his sleeve.  Sure his surprise might actually draw their attention away from him, but this was the closest thing he’d had to date in a very long time.

“Alright then, you’re on!”