The Top Ten list of things shorter than Jay Leno’s concession speech given that, despite everyone else knowing this the second they heard it was going to be on air, his primetime talkshow has been cancelled due to criminally low ratings:
10. “The Big Book of Careers for Graduates with a B.A. in History”
9. Andy Dick’s attention span.
8. John Baird’s attention span.
7. Any conversation between Andy Dick and John Baird.
6. The professional futures of the guys at NBC who greenlighted “Primetime with Jay Leno”
5. The amount of time I realize I’m watching Oprah, Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz before I quickly change the channel to anything else.
4. The amount of time I realize I’m watching John Baird before I quickly change the channel to anything else.
3. The amount of time I realize I’m watching Andy Dick in anything BUT “News Radio” before I quickly change the channel to anything else.
2. This sentence.
1. The period of time between when you knock something off the counter and still think you can catch it until it hits the floor in a big gooey, sloppy and/or sticky mess.
