In this pre-inaugural top 10 we’re looking at the worst things in history which most likely weren’t caused, created by, lied about or generally had anything to do with good ol’ Dubyah.
Cheney is another story and I’m sure he’s responsible for about three of the horrible events listed below. Being the immortal denizen of the underworld means you gotta rear your ugly head and cause some chaos or the lesser demons just won’t respect you.
10. The eruption of Mount Vesuvius – In 79AD the entire city of Pompeii was completely destroyed, as were other cities but we never seem to care about those, when Mt. Vesuvius erupted. The resulting lava floes, firey rain and ash killed around 18,000 people.
There have been worse volcanic eruptions, but in some footage and written encounters, there was significant mention of a “little, monkey-like man” so Bush might have been involved and we needed this list to be 100% accurate.
9. My junior prom date ditching me - Although I’m not sure who she ended up leaving with, I’m pretty sure George was drunk or high in Texas at the time and it wouldn’t have really been possible for her to get there and back.
It might have been Clinton, but I can’t say.
8. The Spanish Inquisition – Although nobody ever expects it, the Spanish Inquisition killed more than 1,000 people who weren’t Christian between 1540-1700. Although Bush’s hands are completely clean of this one, it might have been used as a source of inspiration for him and his Cabinet in the wake of 9/11.
Thankfully, the PATRIOT Act isn’t that bad…
7. The rise of Miley Cyrus – Miley Ray Cyrus (born Destiny Hope Cyrus on November 23, 1992) is way too famous for her own good and eventually must be stopped. I’m pretty sure this one is all Billy Ray Cyrus’ fault, with maybe a sprinkling of Haliburton thrown in for good measure, and money laundering. Eventually, the death toll from this young popstar might just eclipse anything else on this list. So far it’s zero, but just keep watching her… she’s sneaky. Oh, and this makes me kind of throw up a bit : “In 2008, Cyrus was listed among artists and entertainers as one of Time magazine’s 100 Most Influential People in The World.[12] Forbes Magazine ranked her #35 on “The Celebrity 100″ list with earnings of over US$25 million in 2008.[13]” From Wikipedia.
6. Polio – Although the total number of deaths from the many strains of polio are unknown (by me anyway, I couldn’t be bothered to really look at all those medical sites) it killed a lot of people and left countless others in really, really rough shape.
Thankfully it’s been mostly eradicated, however as of 2006, polio remains endemic in only four countries: Nigeria, India, Pakistan, and Afghanistan, hey…
wait a minute…
5. Dancing With The Stars – From the evil in this show, I’d point this back to a Cheney / Rumsfeld drunken binge, but Bush is in the clear again. Just how evil is this show? Really really evil.
I tried to add a clip from YouTube but my computer kept crashing. This might not seem so weird but I HAVE A MAC! These things don’t crash and are perfect in every way, so you know something’s wrong. Plus I think Dancing With The Stars made Steve Jobs sick…shame on you Dick and Bob.
4. Great Famine of 1876–78, India – A famine is bad, but a famine for two years in an extremely populous country is pretty F’n scary. An estimated 58,500,000 were put in danger and over 25,000,000 died. That’s like the population of Canada without the Toronto area being gone. Way to go nature and bad food policy.
But well done Bush. I think he sent a card.
3. The Great Depression – After a rocking financial time, when money was free and the stock market just kept rising, it stopped rising and actually crashed. This caused a panic and financial crisis which hadn’t been seen for over fifty years and effected the entire global economy. Unemployment skyrocketed, people lost their homes, banks closed down and…
wait a minute…
2 and 1. Spanish Flu – The 1918 flu pandemic (commonly referred to as the Spanish flu) was worse than the Bubonic Plague.This is big people… this thing killed so many people, those who survived stopped eating paella and that stuff is awesome.
When something is worse than another thing called the “Black Death”, you know it’s bad. An estimated 100,000,000 people were killed by it and not only that; it was helped along by World War One! So along comes this massive war, with loads of death in trenches and oh wait, you’re dead from the flu… FROM SPAIN!
Actually, to be fair to the Spaniards, the flu wasn’t really from Spain but was named such because the Allies kind of realized a lot of them were dying in Spain but not just from bullets. It probably started in France.
Once again, Bush was not involved.
So, thanks GWB for not killing millions (only hundreds of thousands), only making millions poor and for really making the most of eight horrible, horrible years.
