A Personal History of Musical Development or A Musical History of Personal Development
Lately I’ve been wondering what role music has played in my in own personal development. I’ve no doubt that we seek music that reaffirms our moods/desires/worldview, but in those hazy and shapeless teenage years I’m certain that music has a hand in our sloppy formation. If this is so, what artists/songs have shaped me? I thought it might be interesting to take a look back at those pivotal albums and how they might have informed me… sort of a “This Is Your Life” with cassettes, CDs and LPs. This list is chronological (as best I can remember…), beginning at the beginning and ending around age 19 or 20.
1. Minipops – Vol. 1?: Possibly the first memory I have of a specific group or song. My parents picked up the cassette from a gas station. I remember only Dancing in the Streets. I was definitely under 10, but the song was a siren’s call. I listened to that song repeatedly until the ghetto blaster ate my tape. Years later I had an unnatural affinity for an indie band from Montreal called The Minipops.
2. Tiffany – s/t: I was 10 years old. Could’ve Been and I Think Were Alone Now really did something for me. I listened to the tape obsessively. I can’t be sure what I liked more – the songs on the cassette or the picture on the cover. I spent a lot of time thinking about Tiffany.
3. George Michael – Faith: Same year as Tiffany. It was a good year for music. I don’t know why but I often entertained the notion that Tiffany and George Michael were lovers (course I didn’t know then what we know now)… they were both such passionate musicians. George Michael’s album holds up a bit better than Tiffany’s – I still have a soft spot for some of his stuff (nostalgia often obscures judgment). I remember liking Kissing A Fool a lot. I listened to the album repeatedly for years. It was probably the first CD I purchased.
4. Def Leppard – Hysteria / Duran Duran – Big Thing: I delivered papers for a couple weeks and made enough to buy a cassette. I was very excited to pick up Def Leppard’s Hysteria. But it wasn’t to be; during my inaugural listen my dad happened into my room and objected to the song title Gods of War… I was forced to return it. I can’t really remember anything from it other than Love Bites and Pour Some Sugar on Me, but it sounded really promising and I was very upset. Zeller’s let me swap it for Big Thing by Duran Duran. I learned a lot that day… I learned that music can really suck – really, really suck. I guess you don’t really know where your tastes lie until you meet something you don’t like. This was my first experience with something I really didn’t like.
Now I wonder… would I have an earring today had I been allowed to keep Def Leppard? Would I own an Addidas tracksuit, or at least one pair of sunglasses? I certainly didn’t listen to songs with messages like Pour Some Sugar on Me for years after this… most of the music (as you’ll see) was of the tortured, unrequited and broken love variety. Perhaps I could have used more songs like Pour Some Sugar on Me?
5. LL Cool J – Mama Said Knock You Out / Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock - s/t / DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince – first two albums: I was around 13 and I loved these albums. They painted the world as I wanted to live it… a fantasy world with lots of sex and bit of wholesome violence. Highlights: Around the Way Girl, Milky Cereal, Joy and Pain, Parents Just Don’t Understand, Nightmare on My Street. I used to blast the music on my front lawn while looking in vain for girls… but we were the only house on our country concession.
6. INXS – Kick: 13 or 14? I remember the local radio station having a contest – the prize was an INXS tattoo. I decided that should I ever be lucky enough to get an INXS tattoo it would go on my right shoulder blade. I’ve listened to this album perhaps more than another album in my collection. From it I learned that you’ll turn a blind eye to filler if you love the band enough (Tiny Daggers anyone?).
7. RHCP – BSSM: I was in grade nine or ten and my older cousin thought it’d be funny to piss off my parents by giving me a copy of Blood Sugar Sex Magic. Of course, once I learned of the magic within I kept quiet about it – I couldn’t risk another Def Leppard. It was my lifeblood. So many highlights… Peacocks, lady cops, the city of angels, sucking kisses, sexy psychos…
8. The Cure – Disintegration: My brother picked this up during a summer spent corn detasseling. The album depressed the hell out of me. I spent hours lying on my bed listening to it after long days in the sun yanking tassels from corn stalks. I remember singing Lullaby while wrapped in a garbage bag, hands bleeding from corn stalk paper cuts, staring down an endless corn row and looking forward to listening to it all again once I got home.
9. The Lemonheads – It’s a Shame About Ray: Grade 10 probably… A friend in drama class made copy for me. It had everything – boy/girl harmonies (still my favorite thing in the world), a beautiful woman (Juliana Hatfield), drug references, sad songs, punky songs, beautiful melodies, screaming, Simon and Garfunkel covers. This was a momentous album. Everything about it was perfect… and it had minimal filler. I loved Juliana Hatfield screaming the intro to Bit Part.
10. Eric’s Trip - Peter / Love Tara: I fell in love with this band before I’d heard their music. I loved Sloan, and whatever they pimped I tried to get my grubby hands on. I remember reading an interview with Chris and he basically said “we suck… why all this attention?”. I found that incredibly endearing, probably because I wasn’t so hot on myself at that point (who is, at that age?). So I found Peter at a record store during a trip to Ottawa with my family. It took me a while to open up to it. I got Love Tara soon after, and pretty soon I was hooked. I fell in love with Julie… and more importantly, it made me ask my parents for a guitar (hell, if they could do it…).
11. Sebadoh – III / Dinosaur Jr. – Bug: My brother and I had some money and went to the local music store. I walked out with Hole’s Live through This and he with Sebadoh III. I was sure I’d made the better purchase; everything was a competition, after all. I quickly conceded. Sebadoh III really let me wallow at a time when I needed to wallow. And I loved the screaming Satan song at the end. I hear it’s being reissued soon, replete with bonus tracks (hmm… do I really want to shell out 20 bucks to relive those years?). Around the same time my brother picked up Dinosaur Jr.’s Bug, and I really enjoyed hearing Lou Barlow scream “Why… why don’t you like me?” until you’d swear you could hear blood gurgling in his throat. My parents were probably very disturbed.
12. Faith No More – Angel Dust: Grade 11? Mike Patton was such a freak and I loved it. There was some ridiculous story I remember reading… Faith No More was playing at a festival somewhere and people were chucking water bottles of piss at the band on stage. Mike poured one on his head. He was that freaky (if it’s true). This album was bizarre, scary, funny and sort of sexy. I was probably very pent up at the time and this album was a release.
13. Sonic Youth – Dirty: I was in grade 11 (?) and among at least a handful of people in Wallaceburg, Ontario who considered Kim Gordon a goddess. This album really opened up my world to screaming and atonal music. It’s pretty conventional by the band’s standards, but if it’s your first introduction to the sound it’s pretty shocking. It’s still one of the sexiest albums I know.
14. PJ Harvey – Rid Of Me: Apparently I loved girls screaming over loud guitars. The cover was amazing… Polly Jean staring at you with complete disinterest, shirtless, standing in some non-descript shower stall dripping wet (at least I think that’s what’s going on). On the back cover she was wrapped in cellophane. Rub It Till It Bleeds was my favorite. I had her poster on my wall. My parents were open about the fact that she disturbed them.
15. Guided By Voices – Bee Thousand: Grade 11 or 12… it’s the reason I first rented a four track. I recorded religiously (these tapes have since been burned ;>). At the end of highschool I remember reading about a call for GBV cover submissions from some small Canadian label for a tribute album they were doing. I recorded Awful Bliss but never sent it in.
16. Bettie Serveert – Palomine: Carol van Dijk was beautiful, at least as far I could make out from the grainy photo in the linear notes. One of the more warn out CDs in my collection, though I haven’t listened to it in years. I loved the fact that she played guitar and was back by a bunch of dorky looking guys. They were just very ordinary, and I liked that.
Well, that’s it. At this point I go off to university and get involved with peer-to-peer downloading… Of course I missing lots of greats (Tony Tone Toni, Milli Vanilli, Paula Abdul, Smiths, Nirvana, Tragically Hip, Elvis Costello, Nine Inch Nails, Paul Simon’s Graceland, Sloan), but as far as I can remember, these are the highlights. There are some noticeable absences… No classic rock (that came much later). No punk (later too). No Beatles, Stones, Beach Boys, Dylan or Simon and Garfunkel (all much later).
I’d hoped this exploration would uncover some singular revelation, but it hasn’t. They do suggest that perhaps I could have done with some more positive music. If I were a kid today, would I be better served listening to pop-punk (sum 41, green day, etc) – groups with proactive, effectual and optimistic messages – rather than all the screaming and whining I listened to in my youth? I don’t know. I do know that I look back fondly at those years spent staring at the ceiling, listening to Moonsocket sing about depression and needing more sleep.
I was tired too… and I wrote a couple songs about it.
I never want to listen to them again.
